You Don’t Matter

Feeling like a discarded doll.

WHEN MY PERFECT STORM hit several years ago, I felt betrayed by God. Overwhelmed by a voice in my head that said I don’t matter, I struggled to believe that Jesus, the incarnate of Love, cared if I lived or died.


The message I don’t matter was not new for I heard the same words every time I had been betrayed in my life. However, this was the first time since meeting Jesus almost thirty years ago, that I felt betrayed by him. 


It is from the messages of Shame that you can believe you do not matter. Shame says there’s something wrong with you; you aren’t good enough, you missed the mark, you are a failure. Knowing there is a bit of truth in the message; it feels like a betrayal because you’d like to matter even though you know you aren’t perfect. 


It sucks, but Shame says you aren’t free to be imperfect. 


Shame says you must prove you matter.


It is not the voice of God that speaks the message of Shame, but it is the voice of the Accuser, the antithesis of Love, who roams about the corridors of your mind to kill, destroy and annihilate you. 


This voice, which often sounds like the voices of those in whom you had felt the blows of betrayal in your youth, will reason with you that you either deserve, or do not deserve, the loss of your freedom to be yourself. 


Either way, this voice dooms you to hell, that place where you are separated from the love and acceptance of God and others. 


Love is not real if it does not accept you for who you are as well as who you are not. 


If love requires you to be perfect or it requires you to deserve it or otherwise earn it, it is conditional, and serves as a taskmaster. 


The Accuser uses your desire for unconditional love and your fear of Shame to cause you to wear yourself out trying to prove I matter.


The Accuser, a master of deception, whispers to you what you must do to be free; to finally arrive at that place where you no longer fear the shame of being less than; the fear of being found out; the fear of being alone. 


Unwittingly, it is the Accuser that instructs you on how to be better than, or at least as good as. The great Deceiver reasons with you on how you will physically look, where you will live, the car you must drive, the education you must have, the career you will choose, what you must wear, how you must talk, what you must achieve, the friends you will make, and so on. 


And when you fail, which you will because you and your Accuser do not control the universe—and bad things do happen and everything and everybody other than true Love will fail—it is this voice, in which you trusted with your time and devotion, that will blame God, reminding you that even he cannot be trusted. 

‘He didn’t save you from Shame and Humiliation in your youth and he will not and cannot save you now. He requires perfection and you haven’t been perfect. If God loved you, he would not have betrayed you.’ 


Satan distorts love as much as he distorts truth. 


He had me believing that it was right and good to love my life, to be proud of what I had achieved. But God, in his divine wisdom, brought my perfect storm to shatter my life and with it, my pride, to reveal the many people, places, things, and even virtues, in which I had become enslaved. 


In doing so, my deepest fear—I do not matter—existed not only in my hidden thoughts, but also in my physical reality. 


It was a painful journey to suffer the betrayal of the objects of my love, which defined my life: 

a successful career in which I was afforded power, position and possessions; 

certain friends, family, and a lover, which affirmed my value; 

and finally my religion, which gave me purpose. 


I felt the consuming fire of God as he removed everything I loved and valued; it was a trip through hell where I was forced to embrace Indeed, I do not matter. 


Finally, I cried out to him, Father, why have you forsaken me?  

Satan was quick to whisper. Indeed, you do not matter. 


But, the Lord Jesus also replied. 

In Deed…You Do Not Matter. 

In Deed, you are in bondage.

 In bondage you cannot believe I love you no matter what you do or do not do. 

I came to set you free. 

To be loved…anyway. 

Without your Deeds, good or bad. 

So that you can love others…anyway.  

“Behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat; but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail; and you, when once you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.”—Jesus(Luke 22:31-32)

1 Peter 5:6-7,Matthew 27:46,50,Romans 5:8-9Psalm 22:1,Hebrews 5:7-82 Thessalonians 3:5,Romans 8:38-39Galatians 2:20

As always, it is my intent and hope that my words may encourage you wherever you are in your journey.

Please share your thoughts in the comments below or go to the group tab above to share your own experience. It only takes a minute of your time to register (and you can be anonymous), and your words may help others.

If anyone has ears to hear, let him hear.–Jesus (Mark 4:23)

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